Tag Archive family

ByJayanthi

Why are arranged marriages in/from India successful?

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Before I start my talking on the above topic, let me refer you to my post on what are “arranged marriages“?  As you can understand, in arranged marriages – the boy and girl have no clue of each other when they get married… to sum it, in an arranged marriage:

a. we don’t know what the would-be likes/dislikes(apart from color etc)

b. perception towards life

c. his/her younger days

d. financial habits

e. how the family/family members are

I don’t know how this type of relationship works or why it works – but it works till this day… 🙂 

When we first got married and moved to the US, “our arranged marriage” was the first thought hitting people all around us….

This was one popular quote: “I heard in India, they get married in a different way called “arranged marriage” – did you get married that way?”!! 🙂 Even though I was pleasantly surprised to hear the query, I was proud that “our” unique way of getting married was world renowned…(and remember the Internet was in its infancy then)

So, why are arranged marriages in/from India so successful? (or atleast more stable than other countries)

It is not that India does not have divorces, but according to a report from India today, the divorce rate in India is less than 1%! (Source: https://www.indiatoday.in/education-today/gk-current-affairs/story/india-has-the-lowest-divorce-rate-in-the-world-1392407-2018-11-20)

For most couples, after the honeymoon phase of 2-3 years in any marriage, the reality of life will start. Maybe the biggest difference is always how we are brought up with our varied backgrounds. These differences will rise and fall but the Indian couple always stays together through it all! 🙂

So, how and why do arranged marriages survive? Here are some of my thoughts(not sure whether they are right or wrong)

  1. We are brought up that way and conditioned that way too. From a very young age, we know that our parents, in-laws, brothers, cousins all have only had an arranged marriage and it seems to work wonderfully for them – so it should work for us too! 🙂 To put it simply, we just accept it for it is…
  2. We just accept the changing personality of each other in a marriage…
  3. When we get married in India – we not only get married to the person, we get married to the “whole” family!! 🙂 Parents, in-laws, brothers, sisters, everybody will be part of the marriage and will definitely prod you along if things  are not working great(it works other way around too, unfortunately)
  4. Women not being totally financially independent might be one of the reasons too(many women continue to work after marriage – but very few can be totally and completely financially independent)
  5. Maybe the men in India are very adjusting to their wife and her family.. 😉
  6. Maybe the women in India are very adjusting to the husband and his family too… 😉

Bottom line, arranged marriages are working and still continue to work in India…if you can think of any other reason on why they work, do let me know!

 

 

ByJayanthi

What is it that America cannot give and India can?

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I saw this question on Quora and as usual couldn’t resist writing about it… 🙂  This question is obviously aimed only at Indians wishing to move abroad or for the Indian population that is already abroad for a considerable time…So,what is it? what is it? 🙂 Read on… 

Most of us move to the US when we are young in our 20s to pursue higher education or career aspirations. Once all that has been accomplished and we have our dream education, dream lifestyle, dream house, dream car and finally understand what “America” is – we suddenly feel something is missing…what is that you may wonder? Those are family and relationships…

For most of the Indians in the USA, they might be the only member of their family who are there(with occasional extended families on the other coast)  After living in the US for 14 years and now living in India for the past 8 years – I can confidently say that not having your family close by is quite an interesting experience. 

family

Most Indian families in US, talk about their life’s ups and downs only on phone or Skype or Whatsapp or other technological advancements to their parents and occasionally their siblings. Most visit India only once in 2-3 years time to see their parents and families (though if you are in your 30s and beyond – you may visit every year)

Personal experiences:

From my personal experience, I realized we had missed a dozen family engagements, weddings and the next generation was here! Initially, it was alright to miss a wedding, but if we continuously have to miss all the weddings for 14 consecutive years – you definitely know we are living in another planet! We had missed the family outings and the fun conversations and the current family relationships! 🙂  Many people had passed away too and it was a pity to know about it just on the phone…. 

We missed our nieces/nephews/all our cousins and safe to say all of them knew only one thing about us – “That Uncle/Aunty is in America” 🙂

Maybe the most important thing that we miss is the change that time brings about in all of us… which cannot be expressed and which can only be seen and understood…What do you say?

ByJayanthi

Proud InfoSec mom!

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I am sure you have heard of InfoSec professional, InfoSec geeks and InfoSec ninjas – but InfoSec mom? yeah – that is me 🙂 As I keep typing my Information security posts on my blog, there are two regular guests who read them and rate them diligently! 🙂 (there are many other diligent readers and I appreciate all your loyalty) – can you guess who the sincere readers are? – they are as you might have guessed – my kids! 🙂 

I am not sure how much they understand about the technical parts of my posts(my son can definitely understand but my daughter might still not be able to) but they do understand some ground rules of Information security.  She for example, always knows that I will not be sharing her pics on social media(except, very very rarely) and keeping the settings to the right level.  It is nice to see them understanding the fine rules of sharing on social media in this oversharing world!

Cyber security

While the son is old enough to have his own social media presence but has refrained from having one(either because of my InfoSec thoughts or it is his own online personality) He is on only one social media platform and is least interested in even having a profile pic for the same! He keeps all his online communication to a low level currently(so proud of him! :))

The daughter steps in diligently and comments “What anti-virus software do you use”  and “I know you will not be sharing pictures of me on social media”. These comments  just keep me smiling and happy! With the husband having this personality, the son staying aloof from social media for now and the daughter understanding the ground rules of Information security, it seems that I am the weakest link in the family perimeter with my constant blogging! 🙂 (but unfortunately, that seems to be my job! )

But still, there is a feeling of a “job well done”, when the house follows and echoes your thoughts…